Salvation Within

Thoughts of you linger in my tired mind,
spinning around, becoming intertwined.
Perceptions of you have become delusions,
causing within me a state of confusion.

Your words have become a chain around my soul,
plunging me deep into your bottomless hole.
Nowhere to fall, I have defied gravity,
can’t escape this rancid scent surrounding me.

I’ve lost my voice, yet I struggle to make a sound,
with iron shackles, my hands and feet are bound.
Slowly my eyes feel dense and start to close,
reduced to emotional anguish and woes.
Time passes as I drown in emptiness,
I have become paralyzed in this abyss.

Forced to end this journey, I have been defeated,
yet my sins continue to be accumulated.
Left to be alone with thoughts of you in my head,
encompassing my very soul, I wish I were dead.

Even though I have lost my sight,
you continue to hide from me the light.
Despite that I can no longer speak,
you insist to hear me shriek.

Although my legs I can no longer feel,
you condemn me to kneel.
In spite of the deep cuts on the edges of my wrists,
you insist that my hands still do exist.

I have become broken, lost to all,
a woman who has jumped, taking the fall.
This nothingness state that I am damned to live in,
has now become my only source of salvation within.

Under Siege

The sad truth is that I am not sure of who I am. 

Caught between two worlds, I feel chained,

unable to break free from ignorant assumptions,

veiled in mysterious cultural animosity.

Neglect of understanding how to balance both surroundings,

pulling into directions that stretch me like the points on a compass.

The navigational points force me into an endless demented spiral down into nothingness.

                               

Insomnia attacks my thoughts,

crumbling them into scattered stones and rubble

upon the fragments of my consciousness.

Like fallen rain, drops scatter in a downfall collapse

as ideas of who I am tumble and bend,

yielding into a sewer drain overflowing

with thoughts of who I want to be.

A well with ancient walls surround me as I try to grasp a hold,

my fingers and nails dig deep into the fragile bricks,

as I try climbing to the top, only to find myself back down in the pitiless dark abyss.

A fog overwhelms me as I try to be all of who I am,

only to feel exhausted by the day’s end.

As if my individualism is under siege, I clutch to broken shadows,

tackling and resisting,

yet eventually I am defeated with force by my ill-fated destiny.

I am only a traveler, foreigner to the world I live in

and to the world everyone thinks I belong to.

Destiny

I awaken in a state of terror-stricken awe,

sweat leaches from my skin, soaking me like a wet rag.

A sense of suffocation within my chest,

the walls enclosing, leaving little space of air.

Another dark and lonely night,

embracing complete blindness coupled with dreadful delusions.

Like a cancer eating away at my soul,

I have become a relic of the times, ancient and tattered.

My wounds ooze with a stench that permeates in the air,

leaving a tedious and toxic mustiness.

Running away has left me nowhere,

standing alone in the ominous dark night.

Shadows dance around, casting shapes of evil.

He has found me, the demon hunter,

my monster under the bed,

the one that makes my heart stop beating.

I have not eluded him, instead I have given him strength.

Untouchable

Living in disgrace,

Between poverty and death

Shameful he has become

No one to call a friend,

No one to help him

Save him from himself

Expiration

Despair encompasses my heart

Like a warm blanket on a cold night

A tear streams down my anemic facade

Like a waterfall into a disturbed sea

Raging waves, unbreakable, uncontrollable

Like my pathetic thoughts of truth and hope

I am lost to the world that has no remorse

To a place that holds no sacred meaning

A map within my pliable grasp is empty

Void of lines and borders, shades and regions

A blank canvas of pure white

The soft wind whispers my name

As I search for where to stand, where to run, where to hide

Upon uneven ground, rubble and demolished pavements

Unbalanced I fall, mutilating my heart

The essence of hope, the need for trust, the sense of devotion

Have all expired along with my dreams

Emptiness and loneliness tingle through my blood

As the cold wind blows across my ghost

My shadow kneels in ashes left by my burning delusions

Of a castle in the sky, a never ending rainbow

Of love that lasts and friendship that endures

Broken body, torn soul, forsaken heart

Lost forever, lost nowhere, lost eternally